Interviewer: Why is Comprehensive Sexuality Education important to you?
Shane: I think the word Comprehensive means holistic, completely talks about sex and for us who have preconceived notions about sex, our thoughts and assumptions are all limited to what we have been seeing and practicing about sex. Due to this there is a lack of awareness that exists and we make mistakes and misjudgements. It is important for us to look at the topic of sex from a different point of view. When you speak to any Indian, the first image that flashes the mind when someone speaks of sex is of the activity being performed, but there’s more to it which is why we should speak about CSE.
Interviewer: How did you find out about sex/Sexuality first time?
Shane: Me being a trans person now, during childhood I was very confused because all I knew were about two sexes, male and female. I never understood where I fit in. All I did was believe in myself. I used to find happiness in what I did and never thought about anything else. Only when I grew up and was studying Genetics, I understood that we are all born with it. That it’s natural and cannot be influenced. That’s when I understood that sex is not just about the act, there’s more to it. Schools don’t teach us all this. I am still learning that there is more to sex and sexuality.
Interviewer: When and how did you find out about gender identities and fluidity?
Shane: As I mentioned earlier, all I knew was male and female. I don’t fit in these two boxes. The only box I thought I would fit in was Trans but then as I was learning, I was also confused. I never knew that Trans Gender was an identity when I was trying to fit in. It is only recently that I learnt about it and I realised that it is normal to be a Trans gender. I realised all of it at a later stage in my life. I wish I knew all of this earlier. If someone could have guided me or supported me in expressing my gender identity. I would have probably been a better person. Better late than never. Gender fluidity is a state of mind and it all about how you feel. I got to know about the different genders when I visited the United States and I met so many people from across the globe with various identities and gender expressions. That was when I realised that we are restricting our thought process because we are only aware of 2 genders.
Interviewer: How different would your life have been had you had access to CSE?
Shane: If I had known, my life wouldn’t have been one of that with phobia, especially my childhood and early teen years. The early teen years were very fearful. I would ask myself “Where am I?” “Why am I like this?” I tried different ways to change myself. Had I had the proper education I would have been more accepting of myself. However, I have now accepted myself.
Interviewer: Do you want to share any experience where you felt like people’s lack of knowledge on these topics is affecting you personally?
Shane: Definitely. This has impacted a lot, especially since I am Trans and I have faced discrimination for my identity. For example, I was mobbed by the Police Department because they wanted to know what my genitals were, because my gender expression was different. I had a male body and my expression was feminine so I was publicly mobbed. They did not know what I am or what to call me. These things have definitely impacted me a lot. I would tell myself that they are ignorant and move ahead in life. I think it’s time we put an end to it.
I would also like to add that I often get mis-gendered because people know what Gay is and they don’t know what is lesbian, or gender expression or orientation. So they acknowledge you with whatever terminology they know. I often get asked if I am Gay. Then I have to educate them as to what a trans gender is.
Interviewer: Firstly, I am sorry you had to experience that and together we can put an end to it. My next question is, do you think CSE will help in creating a safer and more inclusive space for everyone?
Shane: Absolutely. It’s the foundation and if our foundation is strong I am sure nobody has to go through these experiences.
Interviewer: How do you think one can become a better ally? What does allyship look like for you?
Shane: Allies have such an important role. Today as a Trans gender I would say that I would speak for my community but an ally is someone who speaks for us. They are the game changers who can bring about change in the society. They become an advocate when they not just support you but also correct someone who is wrong.
Interviewer: Consent and Boundaries. Why is it important?
Shane: It’s very important because in our culture and the way we live we don’t think it’s important to take consent while invading someone’s personal space or lifestyle or if a person likes a girl or a guy. It’s their personal choice. We should take consent to even get into someone’s personal space. If someone wants to know and learn they can always ask and the other person would definitely help. It’s always better than passing on comments. We also should know of our boundaries. Boundaries are limitations. One should know that at a certain point in time when they are going beyond the stretch. One should know that this is not what I am supposed to do. This is my limitation. I am not supposed to go beyond someone’s personal space. It is important that we respect someone’s permission and their personal space and let them have their freedom and you enjoy your freedom.
Interviewer: What is your go to source for Sex Ed?
Shane: First is friends, because we all talk and we are very close and there is a comfort zone. There was an internet boom in my time and the only source was to go to a private café and google it. Find an internet source because there wasn’t like a book or something, not even in our school library.
Interviewer: CSE also covers a lot of health aspects - one being STI/STDs - How much do you know about them and how did you find out?
Shane: It's really good, especially right now when the focus is on health and CSE does help us make the right choice. Someone might make a wrong decision regarding their transition or medication which might affect their health. For instance, if someone doesn’t know about their sexuality they might want to do something different or might go into depression. In regards to mental health it is imperative that one speaks out. When one doesn’t speak about sexuality or sexual activity, that person might be taking the wrong medication or ignoring some sort of infection which then leads to some sort of severity. If this wasn’t a taboo topic people could speak openly. Even if I had an infection today I would be scared to go to a doctor because I am scared to tell because of the fear of judgement which results in silent suffering. If something like this was normalised, I could fearlessly go to the doctor and get the right medication and get cured.
I found out about STDs or STIs because I was a student of Science. But then again vocally talking about this was when I met community members and NGOs. During those days there were plenty of NGOs that dealt with HIV, meeting NGO members and work friends who worked with these NGOs that’s how I became more aware about these.
Interviewer: Do you think people around you are open to these conversations?
Shane: In the family we never talk about sex. In the peer group you only speak to your closest buddy because the word SEX is so stigmatised so you don’t want to raise eyebrows.
So yeah I speak to my closest friends because most of my friends are of my community.
Interviewer: What are some of the feeling you remember from childhood/growing up years around sex/sexuality?
Shane: As I told you, during childhood my gender expression was feminine. There were only two categories that I could belong to and I was very confused as to why I was behaving the way I did. It was always this doubt if I was doing something correct or is it just the way I am and again back to square one.
Interviewer: Do you think CSE will help reduce the number of Sexual assaults/harassment that are happening right now?
Shane: Yes. Definitely. Lack of sex education and awareness is something that will kill the curiousness and also there’s so much of false beliefs or taboos that people have. There’s so much of hate crime, honour killing and at the same time own families abuse you as a punishment. So, I am sure if everybody was educated the situation would be normal.
Interviewer: What are the taboos that you personally overcame or stigmas that you broke?
Shane: Firstly, being open at workplace. I am open in my expression of my gender and identity and I also would be the one of the Trans genders working in the BPO.
Interviewer: Menstruation. What is it, or how do you think one can be a better ally?
Shane: Firstly, it’s a natural cycle. The only thing that needs to be changed is to normalise it. Stop treating the menstruator like they are infected. It’s only it is normalised that the women or the menstruator feels comfortable be it at workplace or schools or colleges. The more we talk about it the more it is normalised.
Interviewer: Any movie/show recommendations in this regard?
Shane: Not formally anything that I am fond of. I recently watched His Story which is a web series and it’s a gay love story and I personally liked it. It shows how your kid reacts to your sexuality, and how we have a mixed youth and how they welcome and challenge this. So, that was a great show.
Interviewer: Most movies misrepresent sex/sexuality and gender - what is your opinion on this?
Shane: I certainly agree. Movies and series have always misrepresented and they have used the minority and the expression of gender as a comic tool, which is very disappointing and annoying. Especially in our country where we treat actors as gods and cinema as a game changer. If something is shown in the cinema, then it’s trending everywhere. Cinema is one of the biggest sources of education for us Indians so, this media should focus on making better movies and educating and highlighting and enriching the lives of the community, rather than making a comic piece out of it.
Interviewer: What is the one thing that surprises you that still is a taboo?
Shane: That if you’re a gay and you get married you will become normal. That’s what we do in our country. The moment a mother realises her son is a gay she starts finding a bride to get him married. They say “Shaadi karwa do sab theek hojayega” (get him married and everything will be alright). Marriage is considered as a treatment for gay people. It’s like conversion therapy which is banned in few countries by law. Conversion therapy is being imposed to convert from what your identity is to another. In India we do it, which is why many gays end up doing suicide and have disturbed marriage life because they are into forced marriages.
That’s why we need CSE to awaken them.
Interviewer: Are you comfortable talking to your parents around these topics? How do you think we can achieve this comfort?
Shane: Now I am, earlier I wasn’t and it took me years for this to happen.
If such conversations become part of different types of media and different sources of education, then it will be easier to build a conversation with parents. I think in our country that’s a goal for the near future because we don’t even discuss menstruation although the mother herself knows its natural. Again for this what is needed is education but I feel the youth are prepared it is us adults who have to unlearn.
Interviewer: How do you think we can normalize these concepts?
Shane: There are different ways of normalising this. When it comes to workplace we have seminars and discussions about these, in schools and colleges these can be included in the books, having regular updates and talk on this topic and movies, probably a mainstream movie portraying the culture and in a good way. Once it is included it automatically becomes a norm, like wearing a mask is a norm now. The moment we discuss this in closed walls it will still be in closed walls.
Interviewer: How do you think the general public can help in normalizing these topics
Shane: Public is nothing but our society, so society should be open to these conversations because the society is getting impacted or they probably have a family member who is getting impacted. They should realise that some way or the other they are a part of it. So, the society should be open and help people come out.
Interviewer: How can we advocate better for CSE? How else do you think we can bring attention to this much needed intervention?
Shane: This is definitely a great start. I was happy to know that something like this is happening. Right now social media is where we can advocate these concepts. Use of creative and trending platforms to educate about pride, pronouns etc and advocate the cause.
Attention only comes when there are leaders. No matter how much we try we do not have that kind of influence so I think it’s high time our leaders open their ears, hear us out and voice out and be a part of these conversations and this change.
Interviewer: Why are you signing this petition and why is this important to you?
Shane: I have always voiced that education is the key to bring a change in our country I am an example with whatever I have faced in my personal and professional life and I still want to advocate to bring this change of treating humans as humans. That can only happen if the right kind of education is provided and this is the right forum and I was so happy to sign this petition.
Petition link: change.org/SeyaCollective
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